


分かったこと。(the things i know.)

by ki_ku



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Falling In Love, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Pining, Post-Time Skip, Pre-Relationship, a tiny bit of hurt, kind of ooc sakusa, mentioned kagehina like blink and youll miss it, not beta read we die like men, or like daichi smh
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-10
Updated: 2020-07-10
Packaged: 2021-03-04 19:47:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,628
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25181974
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ki_ku/pseuds/ki_ku
Summary: sakusa realizes just how much a certain fake blonde setter means to him. said certain fake blonde setter feels the same way. it’s almost too good to be true.(lowercase intended.)
Relationships: (mentioned) Miya Osamu/Suna Rintarou, Komori Motoya & Sakusa Kiyoomi, Miya Atsumu/Sakusa Kiyoomi
Comments: 3
Kudos: 170





	分かったこと。(the things i know.)

**Author's Note:**

> ugh soft sakusa,,, im care him. feel free to bully me, i deserve it. theres probably 60 million mistakes and i cuss sometimes but thats okay ig. hope yall enjoy (●´ω｀●).

“bye, motoya.”

“talk to you soon, omi-omi!”

“don’t call me that.”

with one last giggle, the call went dead, and sakusa shut off his phone. being in a different place, he thought, was so very strange. komori wasn’t next to him or even nearby, and all of his favorite things were far away. he had to settle for frequent calls. he sat down on his bed, and cringed. he missed the nostalgic tastes of familial restaurants, the banter of voices he barely recognized, even the air with its softer feeling. 

instead of laying in komori’s bed, with fresh sheets on it, and talking to him until the red numbers of his alarm clock showed some time that was far too late, he was in some horrible hotel room for an away-game. even though he did his usual cleaning, his skin still crawled when he laid down in the provided single bed. as a result, he found himself sitting in the bathroom, on the edge of the bathtub, in the darkness. 

if he didn’t sleep, he’d, quite frankly, suck in tomorrow’s game. he was a man of punctuality, and usually, he retired to his bedroom at around ten o’clock. however, he stayed up a tad bit later than usual taking to komori, and then he tried his damndest to fall asleep, but the bed felt all wrong. his homesickness and paranoia led him to where he was now, at well past eleven. 

he missed home, he missed komori, he missed his apartment. somehow, his brain found solace in things he thought were familiar. doing his best to calm himself, sakusa thought about the things he knew. moments with komori, the park next to itachiyama with the concrete benches, volleyball, volleyball games, his old team, old matches, and that was when it started. he thought about the only one of his teammates he had been well acquainted with before they joined the m.s.b.y. black jackals.

that damn miya. to be honest, the man was nothing but annoying. but he was familiar. he’d met him at the juvenile all japan training camp, and before that in various tournaments. his cocky smirk had become a constant in his life gradually. so much so, that whenever sakusa saw it, he got a warm feeling in his chest, like when komori’s mother would cook something she knew sakusa liked. or when komori would tell him that he’d done good that day, that he was improving. sakusa wasn’t one for feelings, but he at the very least categorized them by what was good and what was bad.

miya atsumu’s smirk gave him a good feeling. which should have been startling, but sakusa was tired and giddy, high off of emotions he rarely experienced. that feeling was good enough to lull him to sleep, his mind filled with thoughts of blonde hair and strong arms, cocky smirks and secretive soft smiles. the annoying miya atsumu, the overconfident atsumu miya, the genuinely happy miya atsumu. all of them were okay, sakusa decided. he woke up with a smile on his face. 

it must’ve been a good dream, he thought.

✧✧✧

it took even longer, even more calls to komori for sakusa to finally realize that what he felt was not mere comfort, but something deeper, something more. sakusa had never had a crush on anyone before, and at times, he thought he simply wasn’t capable of those feelings. of course, he had to prove himself wrong. the realization that he didn’t detest miya as much as he told himself he did led to interesting developments. he, all of a sudden, felt strange around miya. 

it made practice all the more difficult. if he looked at miya, he could feel the blood rush to his cheeks, which was easy to just play off as physical exertion. it was when he found himself almost unable to meet the setter’s eyes that he realized perhaps, this wasn’t a feeling brought on by exercise. maybe he was just ignoring his true feelings, or maybe he didn’t know what they were in the first place, he didn’t know which one was more plausible. he was in the locker room when the realization slapped him across the face. miya made him feel something beyond what he felt for his other teammates. sure, hinata and bokuto, similar as they were to miya, were kind and all, but they didn’t make him blush, or make him feel nervous. it was just miya.

that night, he spent hours doing his best to explain to komori what exactly he felt. in a two-hour long facetime call. both komori and sakusa had their cameras facing the ceiling, occupied with other things as komori picked on sakusa. sakusa was cleaning and komori was laying down, ready to sleep. 

“it’s like... i don’t know… different from what i feel like around hinata and bokuto,” sakusa explained, “like i feel nervous, and my heart feels weird. when he smiles, my face gets warm, but since it’s at practice it might just be from the exercise.”

“maybe you’re in loooove,” komori drawled, lazy but somehow playful.

“don’t mess around, motoya. this a really big problem for me…”

“yeah but maybe you like-like him,” komori laughed again. he really was poking fun at sakusa’s anguish.

“of course not! i would know if i liked him. besides, why would i, if i had a type, it sure as hell wouldn’t be miya.”

“opposites attract,” komori provided.

“i don’t like miya! he’s not even attractive.”

“if you said that to anyone but me, the miya twins fans would cancel you within the hour.” 

“i don’t know what i feel for him but, it isn’t anything like what you’re thinking,” sakusa sighed.

“kiyoomi, you’re so smart but so dumb,” komori said.

“what do you mean?” sakusa asked.

“i mean that you’re so out of touch with your emotions you wouldn’t realize that you had a crush on him unless it was written in sparkly pink on your mirror. even then, you’d probably clean it up and go about your day like nothing happened,” in that deadpan tone of komori’s, sakusa found himself face to face with the fact that he had a crush on miya. miya atsumu of all people.

fuck. that ‘something more’ that he felt was a crush. on the miya atsumu. sakusa didn’t stand a chance. 

✧✧✧

now that sakusa knew that what he felt was, indeed, love for miya, he read into everything the other man did. whether it was a small accidental touch, a small smile when he served the ball particularly well, or even just him in a new practice shirt, it all served as fuel for sakusa’s growing crush. he needed to do something about how he felt, or he would start coughing up flowers, like komori’s mother used to say. if he didn’t, it might affect his practice, like it was affecting his sleep at night. 

sakusa was never one to be very insecure, but now every imperfection about himself became unignorable. what if miya thought his moles were ugly? or what if he was too fat? he could stand to lose a bit of weight, anyways. most of all, the thought that hit sakusa that hardest was, what if miya isn’t even into guys? if that was true, then sakusa wouldn’t even stand a chance. he was too big, too buff, too tall, leaving no room for any suggestion of the dainty, soft look that girls had. sakusa was a bit feminine with his habits, but that didn’t equate to him being female.

he spent more and more time trying to will his crush away, coming up with worst-case scenarios in an attempt to scare himself out of liking miya. things like, if he dated within the team, what would happen if they broke up? surely, miya wouldn’t want to marry him. he’s a boy, after all, wouldn’t he be far happier with a woman? the more and more situations he came up with, the more and more worried he became. not to mention how hard it was trying to act like he did before he realized his feelings. he did his best to ignore the warmth that filled his chest when miya said his stupid nickname, or teased him. 

he would forever be grateful to face masks, as they hid his blushes around miya well. sometimes, miya would say some offhandedly flirty comment, but those didn’t mean anything. he was like that with everyone, right? even if miya meant them, like komori said, if he didn’t spell it out, bold and clear, sakusa wouldn’t understand it. sakusa wrote off all of miya’s flirty comments as just miya being miya, but secretly, he kept them all locked away in his mind, played them over and over again on nights when his mind was spinning and all he needed to do was calm down. 

he and miya weren’t even that close, either. sure, they talked now and then, but most of it was miya poking fun at him, and sakusa pretending to hate the attention. maybe his hate was real at first, but now it was faker than the blonde’s hair. sakusa was becoming softer and softer, basically unable to deny anything that miya asked of him. he found himself attending dinners with the team more, and while others may find miya practically inhaling his food disturbing, sakusa found it incredibly endearing. 

at restaurants, miya would usually sit a seat or two away from him, but a few times, he sat directly next to him. the worst, however, was when miya would sit across from him. without his face mask, he couldn’t hide his blush, if the restaurant wasn’t hot, he couldn’t excuse it like he could during practice. and most of all, looking at miya from the corner of his eye wasn’t an option. he had to avoid making eye contact with him at all costs to prevent miya from picking up on his emotions, essentially defeating the purpose of going to dinner in the first place.

even if all sakusa did was like at his food and attempt to ignore the prickling feeling on his skin from being exposed to so, so many germs, the time spent sitting so close to miya was enjoyable. all of the time he spent near miya was enjoyable. sakusa knew there would be a breaking point at some point, where his feelings would grow too big for his body and he would have no choice but to let them out, but for now, he could enjoy being in love with the miya osamu from afar. 

this feeling was unfamiliar, but it was nice, too, sakusa decided.

✧✧✧

due to the increased amount of time he spent near miya, the pair, predictably, got closer. they weren’t best friends by any means, but close enough to have at least exchanged numbers. they talked sometimes, which made sakusa’s heart beat so incredibly fast, but they never really hung out with just the two of them. they were always around members of the team, if not the whole team. until miya decided to invite him to dinner. miya invited him to dinner.

it went a little like this:

(4) new messages

miya atsumu 14:03: hey omi

miya atsumu 14:03: wanna go out to dinner 2nite???

miya atsumu 14:05: u can pick the place

miya atsumu 14:06: just tell me what time and ill pick u up

sakusa blushed harder with every text he read. this couldn’t be happening. miya asked him out to dinner, presumably without any prompting. he thought he and miya were only friends, and he used that term loosely, because they were teammates. he was going to lose his mind. with a quick ‘sure, let’s go to lotteria, 18:30, apartment xxx,’ he practically threw his phone on his bed and ran to his closet. he was tempted to call komori, but he needed all the time he could get. he had a good four hours, but he needed to shower, wash his hair, shave, brush his teeth, fix his hair, and find something to wear. he was screwed. totally and completely.

it took him an entire hour to shower. he put the water on the hottest setting, washed his hair as thoroughly as possible, and scrubbed his skin until it was basically raw. when he got out of the shower, his skin was an angry pink, but it didn’t matter, he needed to be very clean, as he would be exposed to countless germs and miya’s judgement. he blow dried his hair, wanting to put his clothes on before he styled it. he tied a towel tightly around his waist, and headed to his closet. should he dress casual? fancy? lotteria wasn’t very fancy… sakusa decided to dress slightly better than casual. 

after some heavy deliberation, he chose a soft, long sleeve, light yellow sweater and a pair of loose blue jeans. he cuffed the end of the blue jeans, tucked his sweater in, and chose a brown belt. he got a pair of plain white socks and paired them with a relatively new pair of white tennis shoes. after he saw himself in the mirror, he almost texted miya that he couldn’t go. however, sakusa persevered to the bathroom to coax his hair into its usual look. he moisturized his face, and then started with his hair, which was being nicer to him than usual. 

when he finished, he had about an hour left until his specified time. he tried to sit down and watch some t.v., but he ended up pacing around his small living room for about fifteen minutes. it was about 18:10 when sakusa heard a knock at his door. either miya was twenty minutes early, or some solicitor had come to his apartment complex again. he looked through the peephole, and lo and behold, the miya atsumu was standing at his doorstep in a button-up shirt with his sleeves rolled up. sakusa’s soul just about left his body.

how was he going to get through this dinner without absolutely losing it?

✧✧✧

when the dinners became more common, sakusa and miya started hanging out alone together more and more often. sakusa started freaking out less, because it, too, became familiar. something he found comfort in, and replayed in his head before he fell asleep most nights. when he and komori talked, miya was a constant topic. komori clearly enjoyed the drama, but he enjoyed teasing sakusa even more. this weird relationship between sakusa and miya had gone on for about three months, before the threshold was breached. 

it had been another one of their weird lunch not-dates when it happened. they were at some quiet café, waiting for their food to come out. sakusa remembered every detail with an unmatched clarity. miya had ordered some overly sweet beverage and a slice of cake, while sakusa had ordered a black coffee and a croissant. the world seemed grey through the café’s tinted window, but miya’s bright yellow hair reminded him that the earth was, indeed, chromatic. he and miya and just been talking.

“practice was pretty good today, huh?” miya asked.

“i thought so too, hinata seemed particularly excited today,” sakusa replied.

“didja see his back in the locker room? he’s got some pep in his step for a reason, if you know what i’m talking about. i almost feel bad for kageyama…” miya said with a fake frown.

“ew,” sakusa cringed. he preferred to stay oblivious when it came to his teammates… hobbies. 

miya just laughed and then laughed some more.

“yeah, ya know, ‘samu’s plannin’ on proposin’ to sunarin. he told me about it the other day. they’ve been together so long, i just said ‘finally’ and he hung up on me,” he laughed. miya always talked about his brother. even if he pretended to hate him, sakusa knew how much he loved osamu. their food came out, and miya was quiet for a moment.

“but he called me back a minute later,” miya laughed, “asked me to go ring shoppin’ with him. but sunarin’ll like anything ‘samu gives him anyways.” miya smiled fondly, and all of sakusa’s better judgement left him. 

“i’m in love with you.”

and with that, sakusa slapped 3000 yen on the table, and ran out of the café. only after he left did he realize he left his face mask. 

sakusa had never been one for modern lingo, but ’fml’ seemed to describe how he felt perfectly.

when he got home, he locked the door behind him, and slid down the wall. he had just ruined everything he worked to build up for the past three months. tears welled up in his eyes, and, shakily, he reached for his phone to call komori. he picked up on the third ring.

“hey kiyoomi, how you doing?” 

sakusa tried to speak, but all that came out was a sob.

“oh, kiyoomi, what happened?”

“i-i told him,” sakusa couldn’t even be bothered to attempt to control the way he stuttered. he was so sad and scared and there was no way miya would ever look at him the same. 

“and what did he say?”

“i don’t k-know,” sakusa said, slightly calmer at the sound of komori’s voice.

“what do you mean ‘you don’t know?’” komori asked.

“i don’t know because i-i didn’t stay long enough to hear his answer. i just said it out of n-nowhere like an idiot. he probably thinks i'm d-disgusting…” he finished with a choked off sob and the panic welled back up within him.

“it’s going to be alright, he would never think that about you.”

“but w-what if he does?” sakusa said, genuinely worried.

“his brother is gay, why would he hate you?” komori reasoned, he already knew about miya osamu and suna rintarou, because it surprised sakusa so much he told him.

“i don’t know, maybe it’s because i’m his teammate and we change in the same room most days.” 

“it’s gonna be fine, kiyoomi, if it’s not i will personally beat his ass for hurting you,” komori stated, dead serious, “he’s already got one strike for giving you a near panic attack.” 

“it’s not his fault, i’m just dumb.” 

he could hear komori sigh over the phone. the call lasted over three hours, and when sakusa hung up, he had 17 new messages from miya. he didn’t read them and instead he went to sleep. for the first time in literal years, sakusa went to sleep without taking a shower beforehand. when he slept, he didn’t dream of anything, but somewhere in his mind he dreaded getting up again. dying in his sleep seemed lovely, just about now. though, komori would be sad, which wasn’t good. his family would have to pay for his funeral, and he didn’t have a will yet. 

damn it.

✧✧✧

the next day, when sakusa woke up, he almost cried again. however, he put his carefully crafted apathetic mask on, and was going to face the day as if nothing had happened yesterday. when he looked in the mirror, his eyes were puffy and red, basically screaming to everyone who looked at him “i cried sometime in the last twenty-four hours, please ask me about it” or “i have terrible allergies in the dead middle of winter” for the less observant. maybe the latter would work on hinata and bokuto, they were gullible like that. 

just as sakusa is about to leave his house, cursing everything in existence, he hears a knock at his door. despite it being, put bluntly, too fucking early for this shit, sakusa swings open the door. and, well, well, well, the one and only miya atsumu is at his door. sakusa can’t catch a break can he? sakusa sighs and gets ready to turn right back around and attempt to fuse with his bed. however, he’s stopped by the way miya hesitantly reaches out towards him, like he’s not sure if he should touch him. 

he sees miya look at the mask, sakusa’s mask, and put it on. sakusa is confused, but turns back to face miya. tentatively, but not all at nervously, miya kisses him. on the lips. the only barrier between them being the mask. sakusa wonders briefly if he’s dreaming.

“i like ya too, omi-omi.”

“really?”

“yeah.”

and sakusa tears up again. his worries were finally assuaged. miya didn’t hate him. he liked him back. he liked him back. 

“wait, why are ya cryin’? it’s barely been a minute and i already fucked up,” miya looked genuinely distressed.

“no, you didn’t do anything, you big idiot. i’m just relieved,” sakusa explained. 

germs be damned, miya pulled sakusa into a hug, and sakusa buried his face in the crook of miya’s neck. he was sure miya could feel his smile. they stayed like that for a moment. 

“we should head to practice, don’t wanna be late, ya know?”

“why do you have to ruin the moment?”

miya just laughed.

“from now on, i’ll ruin every moment in the best possible way, just for you, omi.”

“still cocky, huh?” sakusa joked. he was truly happy.

the pair walked to practice together. talking, and talking, talking, until they arrived at the gym. 

✧✧✧

“so, we’re dating now.”

“that’s good, he better not make you cry.”

“he’s a good guy, i know he would never try to.”

“anyways, i’ve got to go.”

“bye, motoya.”

“talk to you soon, omi-omi!”

“don’t call me that.”

later that day, miya asked sakusa why he had just received a death threat from an unknown number. upon further inspection, that death threat was from komori.

new message

unknown 17:23: make him cry and i’ll kill you.

✧✧✧


End file.
